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This preview shows one partner's instructions for the "Dream Catcher" exercise, intended to help couples tackle gridlocked problems.
Choose a perpetually gridlocked problem to work on before you do this exercise from the Perpetual Problems and Gridlock section's Exercise.
Decide who will be the Dream Catcher and who will be the Dream Speaker—later you will switch roles.
When you are the Dream Catcher, all you have to do is read aloud each of the following questions one by one, in the order in which they are written. After you ask a question, the Dream Speaker will do their best to answer it. Be sure to give your partner plenty of time to do so.
Also, it’s important that you not bring up your position on the issue or challenge the speaker’s answer when you are the listener. Just proceed reading aloud each question and listening to your partner’s answers until all the questions have been asked. If you like, you may ask follow-up questions if you are confused by one of your partner’s answers. But be sure your question is only for clarification.
Afterward, it will be time to trade roles.
Here are the questions for the dream catcher to ask:
- Do you have any core beliefs, ethics, or values that are part of your position on this issue?
- Is there a story behind this for you, or does this relate to your background or childhood history in some way?
- Tell me why this is so important to you.
- What feelings do you have about this issue?
- What would be your ideal dream here?
- Is there a deeper purpose or goal in this for you?
Hopefully, you now understand each other’s positions on your issue more fully. It’s a great time now or next time to work together on creating a compromise for your issue.