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Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship with 10 Proven Techniques

By Gottman Connect Staff

Published on 04/27/2022

Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship with 10 Proven Techniques

Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship with 10 Proven Techniques

Here are the best techniques to learn how to increase intimacy with your spouse. Through detailed examples, we'll learn how to identify potential problems and how to resolve them to improve your marriage quickly.

 

It's all about intimacy and figuring out how to incorporate it into your life in the most effective way possible. This will help you feel more connected to your partner and promote the growth of your relationship.

Connect Emotionally

Because our desire for intimacy is frequently linked to our emotional state, you must first establish a solid emotional foundation if you want to increase physical intimacy in a relationship.

 

Fortunately, we have the most effective techniques that Dr. Gottman discovered to be the most productive in long-term relationships in need of a boost.

How to Connect Emotionally in Your Relationship?

Emotional connection requires time and patience, but the results are so powerful and positive that you will be glad you tried it. This may feel awkward at first, but once you rekindle that emotional connection, you will notice an improvement in your physical relationship.

 

Here are a few suggestions to increase emotional intimacy in relationships:

 

  • Turn to your partner - Rather than harboring a grudge or withdrawing, you should turn to your partner and see them for who they truly are - the love of your life. Even when family life becomes hectic, it's important to remember that it all began with the two of you.

 

  • Demonstrate positive need - Communicate with your partner what you require rather than what you dislike. Instead of saying, "We don't have enough sex anymore," try a gentler approach such as "I feel like we are more connected when we have sex more frequently."

 

  • Show genuine interest - Emotional connection is built on everyday events and attention-seeking behaviors. Therefore, the next time your partner wishes to share a humorous story or a new hobby, pay close attention and demonstrate interest.

How to Help Your Partner Connect Emotionally in Your Relationship?

When people are emotionally disconnected, they frequently build a wall around themselves to protect their feelings, so it may take some encouragement for your partner to regain their tranquility. 

 

Here are a couple of ways to increase intimacy in marriage:

 

  1. Recognize when your partner is not in the mood for intimacy or conversation. Occasionally, simply being in each other's company can be relaxing;

 

  1. Stress-reducing conversations are critical, so make time for listening to one another with your spouse;

 

  1. Suggest therapy and seek out the best experts who can assist you in opening up more and reviving your intimacy.

Increase Physical Touch

Physical contact does not always have to result in sex; it can be an excellent way to increase intimacy daily. Given that it is common for couples to decrease the duration and frequency of any physical communication after a few years, you must work on intentionally increasing it.

How to Increase Physical Touch in Your Relationship?

Physical touch and connection are two of the most effective ways to increase intimacy in a relationship

 

The increased physical connection can be accomplished by:

 

  • Initiating physical touch often - Keep in mind that kissing, hugging, and holding hands all produce the hormone oxytocin, which is necessary for feeling connected and happy. Therefore, the next time you leave for work, kiss your spouse goodbye for an additional couple of seconds.

 

  • Flirting - Just as flirting is exciting when you first meet someone, it can be a revitalizing addition to your marriage after several years. A few seductive smiles, sexy text messages, or sensual gestures can do wonders for the libido.

 

How to Help Your Partner Increase Physical Touch in Your Relationship?

Your partner may be too preoccupied to consider the link between physical touch and increased intimacy, but you can remind them by:

 

  1. Suggest fun games to increase intimacy, such as Gottman Card Decks App;

 

  1. Avoid withholding physical contact when your partner initiates it, as it can be pretty off-putting;

 

  1. Work out together - There are some fantastic exercises to increase intimacy you can work on together and have a lot of fun while building that connection;

Improve Intimate Communication

There is always something new to learn about your partner, so maintain an open line of communication and don't be surprised if you fall in love all over again. Therefore, if you're interested in learning how to increase sexual intimacy in your relationship through communication, continue reading.

How to Improve Communication in Your Relationship?

Communication is the key to a successful relationship and satisfaction in the bedroom, but it’s not always the easiest thing in the world. This is why, to improve intimate communication, you can attempt to:

 

  • Soften the approach - Every conversation is an opportunity to learn about your partner, so make sure you get off to a good start, even when the subject is delicate. By beginning sentences with "I" rather than "You," you will alleviate stress and increase your chances of being heard.

 

  • Resolve conflicts - If there are any issues in your relationships that jeopardize the foundations of your connection, you must first resolve them before moving forward.  Using resources such as "All about conflict" will be highly beneficial;

 

  • Be yourself - While you may develop and change over time, it is critical to remain true to yourself and allow your character to shine. Your partner should accept you for who you are and be receptive to your needs and desires.

How to Help Your Partner Improve Communication in Your Relationship?

Communication can be tricky, especially if you want to improve your intimate life and your partner feels hesitant to open up. 

 

Here are a couple of suggestions:

 

  1. Acknowledge the differences between you and your partner. You may have different preferences in bed, and communicating about what feels right will elevate your level of satisfaction;

 

  1. When your partner is ready to open up and speak freely, refrain from passing judgment. Accept all fantasies and allow them to explore their sexual side;

 

  1. Ask questions to increase intimacy using Love Map & Open-Ended Card Decks.

Show Appreciation

Couples frequently feel distant as the stress of daily life takes over, and they take each other for granted. Distancing is one of the quickest ways to obtain a divorce, so you should focus more on your partner and appreciate everything they do.

How to Show Appreciation in Your Relationship?

Appreciation is a broad term that can be expressed through the smallest gestures. You'd be surprised at how quickly a simple token of affection can increase intimacy. 

 

To begin, you can:

 

  • Say “Thank You” - Saying "Thank You" demonstrates that you are aware of and appreciative of your spouse's small efforts. Therefore, even if it is a simple cup of freshly brewed coffee, a sincere thank you will always make them feel heard and seen;

 

  • Leave love notes - Being flirtatious is always beneficial when attempting to increase intimacy in marriage. With this in mind, you can leave occasional love notes in locations only accessible to your spouse.

How to Help Your Partner Show Appreciation in Your Relationship?

Similar to how you want your partner to feel loved and noticed, you crave attention as well. If your partner does not pick up on your behavior, you can try the following:

 

  1. Communicate openly and gently about your needs. Saying things like "I'm overjoyed when you tell me you enjoy my cooking" should go a long way;

 

  1. Inspire your partner to show appreciation for your actions. If your partner notices you are in the mood for intimacy after you had a heartwarming conversation or when you feel understood, they will be more likely to continue the practice.

Be Vulnerable

Regardless of the automatic defense, when things are not going well and closing in, you must attempt to demonstrate vulnerability. Vulnerability can assist your partner in better comprehending your emotions and trying to increase intimacy as a result.

 

How to Be Vulnerable in Your Relationship?

It's difficult to express your emotions, but a loving relationship requires a strong connection and the assurance that you will be safe. Here are a few suggestions for getting started:

 

  • Open up - Your partner is your haven, and you should feel comfortable discussing your desires and fantasies with them. Therefore, share your thoughts and encourage your partner to do the same;

 

  • Love out loud and fearlessly. When you show love without reservation, your partner will feel closer to you, and the intimacy will almost certainly increase.

 

How to Help Your Partner Be Vulnerable in Your Relationship?

Sometimes people struggle with appearing too vulnerable, so if you're wondering how to increase intimacy with your husband and demonstrate that he, too, can be vulnerable, try the following suggestions:

 

  1. Rely on your partner more, ask for help and allow them to be a vital part of your life. This will strengthen the bond and consequently increase the level of trust and intimacy you already have;

 

  1. Demonstrate strength when your partner is in a vulnerable state. Being emotional is not exclusive to women; therefore, if your husband has a difficult time, you can demonstrate a positive side and acknowledge their feelings to increase intimacy.

Try Something New

Physical attraction and passion decline over time, and couples become trapped in a routine. This is not always bad if you have other priorities, but adding new things from time to time will spice up your love life and introduce new experiences.

How to Try Something New in Your Relationship?

While trying something new may be intimidating at first, the excitement and happiness associated with it will fill you up and spill over into your intimacy. If you're looking for some inspiration, here are a few suggestions:

 

  • Take turns with initiating sex - When only one partner initiates sex, it can become a routine, so make sure you both show interest and take turns. Thus, both husband and wife have an equal opportunity to be seduced and to seduce;

 

  • Experiment - Introduce new activities, toys, or locations. Observe how you feel and follow your partner's lead;
  • Surprise - Not all intimate encounters have to be elaborate. Occasional surprise and quick exchange of passion can do wonders for your intimacy.

How to Help Your Partner Try Something New in Your Relationship?

If your spouse is hesitant to try something new, there are always ways to persuade them and demonstrate the benefits. 

 

What you can do is as follows:

 

  1. Suggest activities to increase intimacy like meditation, card decks, or sharing fantasies;

 

  1. Be open-minded to suggestions so that your partner feels accepted and willing to continue;

 

  1. Effective therapy can boost intimacy and encourage your partner to take the first step toward trying something new.

Make Sex a Priority

Dealing with daily life can cause sex and intimacy to take a back seat, and it's challenging to get in the mood when you're exhausted or overwhelmed. However, acknowledging that sex makes you feel better and aids in relationship commitment should motivate you to prioritize it.

How to Make Sex a Priority in Your Relationship?

Having dedicated time and intention for sex can be an excellent complement to an already happy marriage. Attention and prioritization will ensure that your spouse does not feel neglected and that you are content in all aspects of your life. 

 

If intimacy is diminishing, you can attempt the following:

 

  • Schedule date nights - If you want your marriage to last, one-on-one time is critical. According to experts, you should schedule a couple of dates per month to increase intimacy and maintain a connection with your husband or wife.

 

  • Don’t wait - There is no one-size-fits-all approach to increasing sexual intimacy; therefore, work on small things often. Each day is a chance to improve your relationship and sex, so don't wait until it's too difficult to reconnect.

How to Help Your Partner Make Sex a Priority in Your Relationship?

Responsibilities, work, children, and stress can all contribute to a lack of energy and time for intimacy, but this can change if you're willing to collaborate with your partner.

 

  1. Gently remind them that you miss them and share their desire for intimacy. This should help your spouse understand that you need to work on physical intimacy as a priority;

 

  1. Use a secret love language that you develop while having a great time. Simple hand gestures or a wink can convey your desire to strengthen your bond and envision an affectionate evening ahead. Even if it is not spontaneous, the anticipation of something good can arouse sexual feelings and increase excitement.

 

Use the Right Love Language

Individuals express affection and experience love in unique ways, and that is why it is critical to speak the same love language as your spouse and learn how to increase intimacy with them.

How to Use Love Language in Your Relationship?

Is your spouse in need of household assistance or passionate kisses to feel loved? If you know what makes them feel secure, appreciated, and loved, you can use the language frequently to foster intimacy.

 

  • Learn your partner's love language - Gaining an understanding of your spouse and their needs will enable you to approach them most effectively. Therefore, if you're unsure how to increase intimacy, simply ask, “What makes you feel loved?” - The answer might surprise you;

 

  • Accept differences - If you enjoy being rubbed on the back and believe you should reciprocate with your spouse, pause and reconsider. Perhaps their love language is entirely different, and they would feel better if you helped them more with the kids.

How to Help Your Partner Use Love Language in Your Relationship?

To be in tune with your partner, you must be able to communicate your needs and understand theirs. You can improve your love languages and intimacy by implementing the following strategies:

 

  1. Asking genuine questions and paying close attention to body language and how your partner feels;

 

  1. Find an activity that both of you enjoy, such as online cooking classes, painting, or cycling, and you'll strengthen your bond even more;

 

  1. Describe your needs gently, such as "I feel so loved when you kiss me goodbye" or "I feel closer to you when we share household responsibilities."

 

Reminisce the Old Days

Often, all it takes to boost intimacy is recalling some incredible moments you shared not long ago. Memories can quickly spark imagination and increase your desire for your spouse.

How to Reminisce the Old Days in Your Relationship?

While dwelling on the past is rarely the solution, you may be pleasantly surprised to discover that discussing times when you had incredible physical intimacy can rekindle your passion. 

 

Here are a couple of things you can do:

 

  • Remember specific times - All couples have those incredible moments when everything seems to be going smoothly, so why not mention how good it felt and suggest you try again;

 

  • Feel the excitement - Like how you felt the butterflies, contemplating the same situation can elicit positive emotions and joy. Allow the excitement to spread and take advantage of the opportunity to maximize the sensation.

How to Help Your Partner Reminisce the Old Days in Your Relationship?

There are a few strategies that will assist your spouse in having a positive reminiscence about the past.

 

  1. Spark imagination with photos, apparel, or even fragrances worn on the day you experienced extraordinary and intimate moments;

 

  1. Propose one-on-one time during which you are free to discuss your fantasies, how they made you feel, and ways to increase intimacy.

 

Have Fun

Finally, intimacy, passion, and sex should be enjoyable, exciting, and affectionate. If you become aware that you are taking the subject too seriously, take a step back and have some fun with your partner.

How to Have Fun in Your Relationship?

Because most adult life revolves around responsibilities and chores, why not allow yourself to unwind and enjoy time with your spouse? The fun will alleviate stress, relieve pressure, and increase intimacy.

 

  • Love yourself - Take pleasure in your own company and indulge in activities that bring you joy. This will put you in a positive frame of mind for the remainder of the day's activities, including being affectionate with your significant other;

 

  • Accept your partner’s growth - Because your partner is growing and changing, this is an incredible opportunity to reconnect with them, date, and have fun.

How to Help Your Partner Have Fun in Your Relationship?

While having fun is rarely on your mind when you're stressed, it should be a priority, even if you're together. Why? Happy marriages and lasting relationships frequently involve two people who adore one another and can joke, be themselves, and feel loved.

 

  1. Accept your spouse as they are to ensure their comfort and safety. Avoid adding pressure and instead view intimacy as a pleasurable way to connect with your partner and strengthen positive connections;

 

  1. Develop the ability to let go and attempt a quick resolution of a conflict without resorting to silent treatment or stonewalling. This strips away the relationship of its joy and frequently results in divorce. Therefore, move forward and guide your partner toward the enjoyable aspects of marriage.

Final Thoughts

Now that you're aware of the questions to ask to increase intimacy and the actions to take, it may be beneficial to add incredible resources such as: