Back to Blog Back to Blog
HEALING
CONFLICT
COMMUNICATION

Reconnecting with Your Partner After 10 Difficult Situations

By Gottman Connect Staff

Published on 05/05/2022

Reconnecting with Your Partner After 10 Difficult Situations

Reconnecting with Your Partner After 10 Difficult Situations

If you're looking for ways how to reconnect with your partner after several challenging scenarios, you've come to the perfect spot. We've collected a list of probable stumbling blocks as well as tried-and-true strategies to assist you in establishing an even stronger connection with your spouse.

 

The objective is to understand that it is all about intimacy and trusting that your partner is on your side even when times are difficult.

Connecting with your Partner After a Fight

Dr. Gottman states, "Conflict is inevitable; combat is optional." This phrase should be on your mind while attempting to mend the relationship with your partner following a furious argument. 

While it is perfectly acceptable to disagree with your spouse, you must concentrate on resolving the conflict as quickly as possible and regaining that positive state.

Make Repair Attempts

Repair attempts are simple words or acts used to de-escalate the situation and prevent the conflict from growing. This may be difficult when you are emotionally invested in the subject, but your partnership must come first. 

Thus, below are a few methods for attempting repair:

  • Learn your partner’s love language - While some individuals feel calm and at ease when you embrace them, others dislike physical contact when they are furious. As a result, you must understand the ideal way to approach and encourage your spouse;

 

  • Show affection - Reconsider the subject once you've established that the disagreement isn't constructive and will likely stir up your feelings. "I realize you're upset; just remember that I love you, and we'll get through this together,"

 

  • Cool off - You might require some time to gather your thoughts and assess your behaviors before they spiral out of hand. It is acceptable to take a break and speak with your spouse later when you are more composed.

How to Help Your Partner Make Repair Attempts in Your Relationship?

Your partner might require you to guide them in navigating the conflict and demonstrating strength. 

Here are a couple of suggestions that might help:

  1. Validate your partner's emotions, even if they are unpleasant to hear. Validation will help them feel understood and safe, resulting in more peaceful dialogue and resolution;

 

  1. Suggest online classes or resources like Gottman Relationship Coach: Making Up After an Argument that will help in the long run;

 

  1. Allow yourself and your spouse to move forward even if the discussion is not reasonably concluded. Dwelling on the issue is not always beneficial; instead, remind them of the positive aspects of their lives and ensure they feel valued.

Connecting with Your Partner After Having a Baby

If you are wondering how to reconnect with your partner after having kids, one thing is for sure; spontaneity is rarely the solution. New parents are both blessed and stressed, so waiting for the ideal moment to connect with your partner may be a waste of time.

Rather than that, attempting to reconnect daily and remembering that you were a couple before becoming parents might actually help.

Make Intentional Actions to Connect

While children are lovely additions to a good marriage, no one thoroughly prepares you for the commitment and hardship that comes with them. Sleepless nights and exhaustion can swiftly progress into conflicts and perhaps divorce if not addressed soon.

Thus, here are a few ideas from experts for a good marriage after children:

  • Take care of your needs - When you have a baby, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and disregard your own needs. But if you fear this is harming your marriage, take a step back and reconsider.

 

Make time for yourself and indulge in pastimes you enjoy, even if they seem trivial or only last a few minutes, like morning coffee alone, yoga, or journaling.

 

Finding yourself will help you find your partner.

 

  • Make plans - Children thrive on routine, so depending on spontaneity is out of the question. Rather than that, arrange a time with your partner, have date nights, and even schedule intimacy when necessary. 

 

This may seem unusual at first, but dedicating time with your partner fosters affection and strengthens the relationship.

 

  • Take it slow - Giving birth and caring for a newborn will tire your body. Be kind and compassionate to yourself and your spouse throughout the healing process. Together, you may get stronger by first bonding emotionally and then focusing on your physical desires.

How to Help Your Partner Make Intentional Actions to Connect in Your Relationship?

While parents frequently live different lives and have less in common as time passes, this does not indicate that your marriage must be the same. By supporting your spouse and providing alternative techniques, you increase your chances of falling in love again and stronger than before.

 

Here is what you can do to help your partner:

 

  1. Communicate your needs and worries plainly, but don't forget to include expressions of gratitude and affection. After the baby is born, discussing your sexual desires and needs honestly will do wonders for your relationship.

 

  1. Attempt to incorporate ideas from excellent resources such as The Transition to Parenthood: Thriving, Not Just Surviving;

 

  1. Suggest therapy if you notice the connection needs a little more guidance and counseling.

Connecting with Your Partner over Long Distance

Long-distance relationships can be challenging, but on the plus side, they provide an incredible opportunity to connect with someone on more than just a physical basis. However, how to reconnect with your partner long-distance and improve your relationship?

 

Invest in Your Long-Distance Relationship Daily

It's never easy to love someone who isn't physically present, but investing more in your long-distance relationships can benefit both you and your partner.

 

But, how to achieve this commitment?

 

  • Use technology to connect - Modern methods of communication make it possible to see and connect with a spouse who is thousands of miles away. Use this benefit to maintain contact with your significant partner and to keep them updated;

 

  • Be realistic - Long-distance relationships can result in unhealthy and romanticized views of the other person. Therefore, make an effort to accept your partner for who they are, appreciate their fantastic qualities, and embrace their shortcomings.

How to Help Your Partner Use this Technique in Your Relationship?

If your partner is having difficulty connecting with you long-distance, consider these methods to reignite the connection:

 

  1. Send them a care package to serve as a reminder of your physical connection. Include your favorite fragrance and a few tiny trinkets that you know they'll adore;

 

  1. Make date nights more enjoyable by incorporating technology to increase intimacy and affection;

 

  1. When circumstances permit, make every effort to visit each other frequently;

Connecting with Your Partner After Rehab

Combating any type of addiction requires time, commitment, and patience. However, what if you feel estranged from your spouse even after the addiction has been treated and are unsure how to reconnect with your partner after rehab.

 

Forgive, Heal and Move Forward Together

Because addiction is a sickness that affects the whole family, partners must rebuild connections. This will take time, so be prepared to:

 

  • Forgive - Even after your spouse has completed treatment, lingering feelings of shame, remorse, wrath, and disappointment may persist. Because love is still present but buried behind the weight of the emotions, you must begin by forgiving your spouse and yourself for the past.

 

  • Heal - Healing occurs on both the physical and emotional levels of our existence, so give yourself time and be present when your spouse is in the most desperate need.

 

  • Move forward - Look for the bright side of every circumstance, even though it's difficult to foresee building a life together in the aftermath of all the anguish.

How to Help Your Partner Use this Technique in Your Relationship?

Demonstrating strength and commitment will be sufficient to motivate your spouse to improve.

 

You can:

 

  1. Suggest couples therapy or anonymous meetings and support groups;

 

  1. Speak openly to your partner about all the delicate emotions you are going through and allow them to do the same;

 

  1. Rely on your partner and show them you believe everything will be better if you work on the problem together. 

Connecting with Your Partner After Years Together

Even the happiest marriages may feel distant and repetitive at times, so if you're wondering how to reconnect with your partner after years together, we have the perfect techniques.

Small Things Often

Lasting and harmonious relationships are not formed overnight or on a few occasions each year; instead, the happiest couples make little daily efforts to demonstrate affection, build intimacy, and improve their sex life. 

 

Here are a couple of suggestions:

 

  • Show appreciation and be grateful - Couples who take each other for granted are more likely to be dissatisfied and divorce. Therefore, demonstrate to your husband or wife that you value even the smallest gestures. A simple "Thank you" may make a world of difference.

 

  • Invest in your emotional bank account - Demonstrate genuine concern for your spouse and their attempts to connect. This might include putting down your phone and listening to your partner's version of a fun company event.

How to Help Your Partner Practice Small Things Often in Your Relationship

Your sweetheart may require your assistance in navigating the right path, in which case you can:

 

  1. Discuss your wants and desires clearly and without judgment or hostility;

 

  1. Motivate your partner to work on your relationship by providing positive feedback, leaving love notes, or adding joy to your routine;

 

  1. Make time for one-on-one conversations or initiate communication about sex with this creative card deck.

Connecting with Your Partner After Being Apart

Life happens, and occasionally you may become separated from your spouse and wonder how to reconnect with your partner after being away. While it may initially appear impossible, you can restore the relationship and end up with an even better marriage.

 

Get To Know Them Again

While time apart can be difficult, you can also view it as an opportunity to restart your relationship and fall in love with your spouse. 

 

Here are a few ideas:

 

  • Stroll down the memory lane - Try to recall all the great things that made you fall in love all those years ago. While your spouse may have changed, that aspect of the individual will always draw you closer.

 

  • Date nights - Have fun with your partner and reawaken the emotions by setting aside time for one-on-one conversations.

How to Help Your Partner Use this Technique in Your Relationship?

Any time away can induce fear and doubt in a relationship, so you may need to reassure your partner that you are still on the same team.

 

  1. Reconnect with your partner and give them time to adjust to the changes;

 

  1. Allow for strong emotions and console your partner if they require assistance. Words of encouragement such as "We'll get through this together" can mean a great deal.

Connecting with Your Partner Sexually

Sex and passion evolve over time, and you and your partner may discover that you no longer enjoy intimacy like you used to. However, there is always a method to reintroduce interest into a relationship.

Reignite Passion

Maintaining a vibrant and passionate relationship is critical to a good marriage, but it is not always easy. 

 

Here are a few tips that may help:

 

  • Foster emotional intimacy - When your passions are not the same, you may feel emotionally distanced from your partner. Therefore, invest time and effort in establishing a solid foundation of trust and security before focusing on the physical pleasure;

 

  • Initiate sex - Make suggestions, experiment, and don't always wait for your spouse to take the lead. It's all about intimacy and showing affection at all times, not just when you're in the mood for sex.

How to Help Your Partner Reignite Passion in Your Relationship

If your partner is having difficulty with intimacy, you can attempt the following:

 

  1. Demonstrate vulnerability and a willingness to trust and rely on your lover;
  2. Every day, initiate physical affection such as kissing, embracing, and holding hands;
  3. Acknowledge that it's normal to feel reluctant to have sex and don't hold it against your spouse.

Reconnecting with your Partner After They’ve Hurt You

Forgiving someone and moving on can be more complex than it appears. Couples may progress, but trust has been lost, and partners must rebuild the relationship from the ground up. However, how to reconnect with your partner after they've hurt you?

Take Time to Heal and Forgive

Due to the fact that emotional hurt takes time to heal, you must be patient with yourself and enable your partner to show you a more hopeful future. Try:

 

  • Focusing on yourself - While it is critical to learn to forgive, you may still be too angry to be empathetic. If such is the case, you must refocus your attention on yourself and appreciate the small things that bring you joy;

 

  • Learn how to let go - Dwelling on the past will not help you forgive your partner. When the conversations are concluded, and you are prepared to re-establish the relationship, you must be sincere. 

 

Consider the bright side and trust that everything is possible.

How to Help Your Partner Understand You Better in Your Relationship

While you may be the one who was harmed, your spouse may still require your assistance in successfully overcoming the past. You can make the following proposition:

 

  1. Couples therapy where you can work on the problem and solution together;
  2. Understanding that we are all humans and we all make mistakes. This will give you the opportunity to heal and your partner to work on improving happiness and satisfaction

 

Reconnecting with Your Partner When You’re Tired

Life can be tricky at times, and you may feel disconnected from your partner if you are exhausted from work, household duties, or other responsibilities.

Share the Burden and Improve Communication

While a good night's sleep can do wonders to improve the problem, circumstances like this one require a long-term solution. Thus, this is how to reconnect with your partner when you're tired:

 

  • Ask for help - Some people are averse to seeking assistance, even though it is detrimental to the relationship. If you see yourself holding a grudge because you believe you have too much on your plate, share the load and accept help;

 

  • Improve communication - Tell your partner that you are not in the mood due to exhaustion, but assure them that it is not personal and that you still love them.

 

How to Help Your Partner Share the Burden in Your Relationship?

Even if your partner cannot physically assist you, there are still methods to bond when you are exhausted.

 

  1. Have stress-reducing conversations every day. Talk to your spouse about the trivial things that upset you and conclude with some grateful thoughts;

 

  1. Develop an understanding of your love language and ensure that your partner does as well. Specific individuals feel loved when they receive assistance around the house, while others prefer physical touch or attention.

Reconnecting with Your Partner When You’ve Cheated

Cheating happens, but it does not always lead to the demise of a marriage. There is a possibility of regaining trust and rebuilding relationships from the ashes. While a lack of trust can be heartbreaking for many, even if you are the one who cheated, you can attempt to make things right.

Rebuild the Trust

According to Dr. Gottman, a cheater is typically the lonely partner in a relationship, and it is rarely an accident. While justifying your failures is not ideal, you can reestablish trust by:

 

  • Owning your mistakes - Accept responsibility for your actions and recognize that you have harmed your spouse;

 

  • Have patience - Something you've worked for for a long time is now gone, and regaining trust will take time. Allow your spouse to take as much time as they need;

 

  • Demonstrate a willingness to change - You may need to convince your partner of your commitment to being faithful going forward. As a result, any form of secrecy is out of the question. Take small steps toward reconnection.

How to Help Your Partner Rebuild Trust in Your Relationship?

Certain individuals will require more time than others to let go of the past and move forward. If you notice that your partner continues to struggle with issues of trust, you can:

 

  1. Suggest therapy where you will have a chance to re-evaluate your relationship and discover what caused the adultery in the first place. Professional coaching can help you both feel heard and seen;

 

  1. Allow your spouse to experience all of the unpleasant emotions and remain by their side;

 

  1. Recognize that jealousy is reasonable and deepen the understanding.

Final Thoughts

With the techniques and information necessary to address the most prevalent causes and disconnections, you may additionally incorporate the following resources: